I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
