I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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