3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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