Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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