Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
