I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
