I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
