Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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