the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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