I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
