I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
