I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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