I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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