it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
