He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
