My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
