READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Damn victory sex feels great
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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