Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
