the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
