yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
