vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
