; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
