WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
