I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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