they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
