The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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