I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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