I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
