I cockslap morals
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
