My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
