Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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