How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
