his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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