i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
