Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
