What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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