It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
