Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
