There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
