the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
