The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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