You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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