I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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