Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
