420 ftw
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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