you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
