make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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