Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
