he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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