Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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