Just fell off a train. Bad.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
