paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
